How Little Becomes Big

Fifteen years ago, or maybe just a little less, was the last time I spoke with him. No he wasn't someone I saw regularly -- an ocean determined that. Nor was he someone that I could say that I shared specific memories with -- I've always been envious of those who could recall with vivid detail moments they shared with family. That's why I was surprised at the overwhelming grief that I felt when I found out he had died. Perhaps it was because he always greeted me with that sunny smile accompanied with that cool, "Hey Cuz." It never appeared he had a care in the world, even though I heard through casual, family gossip that he did. He just had a way of greeting you, as if you had been the last pleasant thought on his mind. Unconditional caring is what I saw. Rest in peace Sammy.

Catharsis

It seems as though a thought or an incident, for me, can take on a complete life of its own, albeit in my head. The colors of words begin to multiply until I have covered the complete canvas of my mind. Naturally, in order to prepare the studio for the next project, I must free my work to the outside world.

Mercy, The Blackberry & A Stolen Moment

Perhaps the fact that I stayed in bed late and didn't leave the house until it was exactly 4:32 p.m., allowed my day to pass without incident. Then again, divine mercy should get the credit. In spite of yesterday's spill, I woke up without soreness and only purple bruises on each knee as testament to my acrobatics.

First stop after leaving the house was the Sprint store, to get my beloved Blackberry fixed; a casualty of my fall yesterday. Anyone who knows me, can testify to the fact that my phone is near me 24 hrs. a day. During daylight hours, most times it resides in either hand. That is why it was rather disconcerting to know that my dear friend had a broken smile -- a cracked screen. You may wonder why I keep my phone nearby at all times. It is not because I love to receive calls and chat a lot, but quite to the contrary, my Blackberry represents the filing cabinet of my life and my constant connection to the world. Where else can I make notes to myself (which becomes vitally important as the years pass), take an secure pictures, check my numerous email accounts, as well as listen to music, and keep in touch with the obligatory social networks, all at the touch of a few keys.

With my beloved friend whole once again, my next stop was the mall. Now wait a minute, again for those of you who know me well and are thinking that I have finally resorted to "retail therapy" to while away the hours -- NEVER. You know shopping will never be my thing. I am of the persuasion that decides beforehand on what I want to purchase and with purpose and deliberation, selects the store, goes off and gets the object or objects of my desire, end of story. No, my only purpose of going to the mall was to go to Barnes & Noble -- just couldn't disappoint the nerd in me. You see, one of the few things I find most relaxing is to spend time browsing the stacks, BY MYSELF, preferably with a cup of Starbucks, raw sugar and half n half --thank you very much.

I was able to enjoy an hour of heaven and then the buzz of the Blackberry --

"Hello!"

"Hey hon! On your way home, can you stop at the store and get something for supper."

*Poof* there went the moment. Now you know why I don't like receiving calls. (Just kidding... I love you honey!!!)

Pain, Rain & Resolve

Don't really know if it was the telephone or the pain that woke me up this morning. It seemed that I moved in bed and felt a terrific pain in my shoulder, at the same time the telephone rang. It was my 31 year-old son calling from overseas. We talked while I massaged my shoulder. Perhaps the pain came from the stress of carrying my 23 lb. book laden bag (yes, I did weigh it) around all day or maybe it was a signal that rain was imminent -- old injuries tend to react in that way. By the time I hung up the phone it was raining and I knew that the day would provide some new challenge.

By the time I left the house it was pouring and that's when I realized my daughter had driven off hours earlier, with my umbrella secured under her truck seat. Thank goodness for Wally World -- no matter how one feels about Wal-Mart, they are always good in a pinch. With a new umbrella, I was off to campus. My husband got me to my destination without further incident, and I began my cycle of Thursday classes.

Aside from juggling my rather heavy bag with an umbrella in the rain, over the ever present hills and steps, my day was shaping up to be rather uneventful. This was not to be however, there was something else in store. When my husband came to pick me up, he stopped at the curb in front of the building of where I was waiting. I proceeded down the sidewalk and when I reached the curb it was necessary for me to step on to the grass in order to get into my husband's truck. I remember looking down before I placed my foot on the grass and noticed nothing amiss, but when I placed my left foot down, it went deep into a hole and I pitched forward. Landing on the concrete curb on both knees, I felt the jolt all the way to my head and I heard the crack of my Blackberry hitting the concrete. I scrambled up and managed to get in the truck. That's when the pain set in. Long story shortened a bit, I have knots on each knee that are swelling by the minute, a slight bruise on my forehead (not sure how I got that) and a broken Blackberry screen.

I mentioned in an earlier post that over the years I have faced many challenges to furthering my education. I feel this incident while relatively minor, but painful is synonymous with my struggle to accomplishment. There are always forces at work to deter a person from their destination. There is rain, breaks and falls that come to hinder, but we must always forge on. My swollen knees will go down, my bruises will disappear and I will carry on and ultimately receive the degrees I have set out to obtain.

Snafooes, Dungeon Dwellers & Stilettoes

It was with great anticipation and a sense of pending accomplishment that I entered Coleman Library yesterday during my afternoon break between classes. I chose a relatively quiet corner on the second floor and commenced to unload all the necessities of a successful student -- laptop, textbooks, paper, pen -- you get the idea. I was excited to find a nearby power outlet so I plugged my laptop in and began to boot-her-up. I followed the procedure necessary to pick up the building's unseen wireless signal and after a short delay I was able to get a weak signal. Off to the WWW via Internet Explorer, then the dreaded message that informed me that FAMU required me to enter my email address and password. OK obligingly I click, click, click --- I entered what I thought was my email address and password. It had to be the same username and password that I used for my other FAMU account, after all, that was how they did it at the other college.

I figure you have guessed by now, it didn't work as I anticipated. OK no problem, I started to look for the number for the campus IT hotline and remember from prior experience, that they do not answer their calls. I thought, "Maybe if I ask at the reference desk, I can be directed to a warm body that can help me." I am directed to a room located several buildings away, where I was surprised to find a line of people just like me, with the same problem -- no access to their email accounts. I signed in, filled out a request slip and patiently waited.

Enter the Dungeon Dwellers -- those curious IT people who work in windowless environments and prefer virtual companionship somewhere in cyberspace and the touch of a keyboard, than real flesh and blood. You know the type! These are the individuals who are disgusted at the fact that you are too inept to fix your own IT problem, and they are absolutely appalled at the fact that they will have to fix it for you; even though a) it was not your fault to start with and b) they are getting paid to solve your problem. Needless-to-say, after much to-do about nothing, I get my issue resolved, rather quickly I must mention and returned to the library.

Once back in the library, I started the process of preparing my nest again and began the log in process. Finally, I had success! I accomplished a few things and then I had to log into my FAMU campus account. AGAIN PROBLEMS!!! I started out again to visit the Dungeon Dwellers. Fortunately I made it there and had my issue resolved, just before the Dungeon Dwellers closed up shop and go to wherever Dungeon Dwellers go for the night.

By now I was totally exhausted, and I had a 5:30 p.m. class clear across campus. What a long day of walking over hill and dale, I was exhausted and it took all of me to get to my class. Makes me wonder how them twenty-somethings, walk around campus, all day in those 5 inch stilettoes...

Long Day!!

Wow... what a busy day! Today was the first of my long Tuesdays --- Astronomy, Intro. to Literature (Honors), Advance Composition, and Psychology. I have walked up and down hills and steps... searched for classrooms and I am too tired to elaborate right now. Stay tuned, I will tell all tomorrow!

This picture taken at FAMU, looking across to Lee Hall from Coleman Library (my new home away from home ) :-)

Further Reflections...

Got to thinking about this journey I am on and realized that over the past 6 months I have had bouts of wanting to get the whole process over with yesterday, coupled with times of savoring the moment. In reality there are times when I am angry with myself for not having completed my education 25 years earlier, especially on those occasions I have earned less than credentialed co-workers with far less expertise and experience than I. Alas however, I recognize I am on the home stretch of the first leg of my journey and each accomplishment means that much more to me, and at the end of the day I will have realized something that I have dreamt of for many years.

French Class

"Bonjour, madame. Comment vous appelez-vous? "
Je m'appelle... ."
I made it through French class. This conversation took me way back to my high school days in Madame Holder's class. My new instructor, Dr. Diallo or Madame Diallo as she prefers to be called, is very endearing and so far has made class enjoyable. No boring verb conjugation here, just rapid fire total immersion. I think I may become fluent in French yet!

The funniest thing in class however was during introductions. Madame Diallo passed from student to student assigning titles, "Monsieur... , Mademoiselle..., Mademoiselle..., Monsieur... ." When she gets to me, she politely, hesitantly says, "Mademoiselle... ." I politely say "Madame," and we all laugh. Shoot, I'm probably the same age as my professor and the same age as my fellow classmates' parents.

Juggling the Various Aspects of My Life

In our school district, today is also the first day of school for elementary, middle and high school students. Unlike many others my age, I have two children under the age of 18 still at home, a 9 year-old and a 16 year-old. My 9 year-old son is homeschooled, therefore before I leave for campus I must get him started on his own studies. My 16 year-old however is also a college student, embarking on her freshman year at Tallahassee Community College. Life will be hectic, but I am a believer in taking each day as it comes, while meeting the challenges head on, of course with the ever present support of my husband. My daughter and I will have to share a vehicle for the time being, therefore we will have to synchronize our schedules. That'll be fun with a teenager -- they always seem to think that their whims of the moment take precedence over whatever else is happening. I think there will be a few days that I will be left to find my own way, over the 20 miles to the house. Stay tuned...

Reflections...

Looking back over the years, it has often seemed as though there was a force conspiring against me, to deter me from completing my college education; not that I didn't often have a hand in it myself. I can't count the times on both hands, when I attempted to embark on the journey toward further education, just to be hindered by one situation or the other. Initially, the commitment of family and then the lack of money were my greatest hindrances. Never-the-less, the desire to pursue a college education stayed strong. I see now that this desire has perhaps been one of the greatest motivating factors in my life -- my reason to get up each morning -- knowing that one day I will reach my dream. On numerous occasions I have shelved my college education plans, just to take them out and dust them off, for another whirl of a try. The point is, I have never given up and I won't give up! I will not let circumstances that surround me, the naysayers that confront me, write my destiny. The one constant in my life is my desire to succeed and eventually receive the letters... PhD. And also at this juncture I have the support of my darling husband, which means a lot to me.

Entering my Junior Year

In January of 2009 my husband encouraged me to return to college as a full-time college student. After more than 3 decades of collecting college credits here and there, I was happy to find, on enrollment at Tallahassee Community College, that I was only 20 credits away from receiving an AA Degree. From February through July I was able to complete 21 credits and on July 7th, 2009 (my 18th wedding anniversary) I graduated from TCC with an AA Degree. Tomorrow I will begin my junior year at Florida A & M University majoring in English.

Go Rattlers!!!!!
(Florida A & M University's mascot is the rattle snake.)